Born Smart

Many parents of children that are bullied often blame others in addition to the bully, (the school, teachers, other students, the bully’s parents) causing the rest of us to roll our eyes, but they may have a point.

A new study focused not on the bully or victim but on the role bystanders play in continuing the bully -victim relationship. Bystanders often do not take responsibility and make an unspoken decision not to think about what the bully or victim is experiencing, behavior that helps maintain the bully-victim relationship.

In an attempt to change the outlook of the school social system on bullying, teachers were given one day of self defense group training and students nine sessions. The teachers were also discouraged from disciplinary action like sending pupils to the principal’s office, unless absolutely necessary and no explicit rules were set against bullying. Instead classes were asked to reflect on the day’s activities at the end of every day for the last 15 minutes. Poster campaigns, stickers and badges were used to help label feelings and acknowledge distress.

A structured format was used to help the students reflect on bully-victim-bystander relationships and students would then reach a conclusion on their own whether they were able to be reflective and compassionate. Children were found to be much tougher when judging themselves.

In its first year the study found less bullying, more positive bystander behavior, greater empathy towards victims and less favorable attitudes towards bullying. In addition, bullies initially complained about the program until they were gradually recruited into more helpful roles.

Bullying can destroy lives, I think it’s important to acknowledge this. Helping a child to understand other’s emotions also helps him increase his own emotional intelligence, a critical factor for success later in life.